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Letters from the Inside the Belly: Clean Water from a Dirty Cup

noAdverse Reactions: Reactions include increased aggressiveness (some individuals exhibit violent behavior), depression (with or without suicidal thoughts or intentions)no
Antwan Byrd, inmate #220707, lives in the Cheshire Correctional Institute. Mr. Byrd, now 36, was convicted of the January 17, 2008 murder of 31-year-old Lavias Phillips.  Byrd claimed he acted in self-defense during a street fight near Phillips’ family’s home at the corner of Goffe Terrace and Bellevue Roa in New Haven, but a jury found Byrd guilty of murder for shooting Phillips in the back.

nosometimes personality changes, hallucinationsno
Byrd, a Hartford native, is serving a 45-year sentence. He is concurrently serving a 15-year sentence for armed robbery, committed less than a week after the murder. At the sentencing for Phillips’ murder on February 10, 2010, superior court judge John Alander was incredulous about the robbery, and criticized Mr. Byrd’s life’s choices. The New Haven Register quoted Judge Alander as saying: “Your vocation seems to be to steal, rob and assault people — and you do it with guns.”

nodepersonalization, derealizationno
 We must remember that for all his failings, Mr. Byrd is human, and loved. Mr. Byrd’s grandfather is the Reverend Albert Bell, who lives in the apartments at 10 Marshall Street in Asylum Hill. We hope to have a story in the future detailing the problems the residents 10 Marshall Street face regarding getting access to a community meeting room, among others.

noand other psychotic symptoms, (Ativan in particular may produce dissociation and other psychiatric effects). Long term effects include depressionno
 A few days ago, Rev. Bell, a loyal reader of the 40-Year Plan, gave me a five-page handwritten essay from Mr. Byrd.  And so, we proudly present another installment of the 40-Year Plan’s ongoing series of communications from prisoners, Letters from the Inside the Belly of the Beast.

noquerulousness or aggression, subtle personality changesno
 After the recent contentious debate on the death penalty and rights of murder victims, some may take this as an affront, that we grant Mr. Byrd space to express himself yet Mr. Phillips will never speak again. For those, we can look to the words of the Dr. Martin Luther King, who said our charge is to give voice to the voiceless. I also think about the words I wrote a few weeks ago (April 12) from the Rev. Walter Everett, who forgave his son’s murderer: “The anger was destroying me,” Rev. Everett said.

noand fatigue. Passivity and symptoms of memory and cognitive impairment may ensue. Do you often feel restless or on edge even when nothing is going on around you to cause these feelings? Everyone can agree on the fact that depression is a debilitating disease. What we can’t all seem to agree on however, is what this disease does to a person’s ability to think reason and perceive. The problem in coming to an agreement here lies in the many causes and physical reactions to depression. buy ativan online without a prescription cheap The Affordable Care Actno
 For anyone who would like to communicate with Mr. Byrd, his address is Antwan Byrd, Inmate 220707, 900 Highland Avenue, Cheshire CI, Cheshire, CT 06410.  Prison is a lonely existence, and I am sure he would love a letter. Next week, we will present a second excerpt from Mr. Byrd.

Excerpt #1

nono matter what one thinks of its politics, Jones saidno
It’s a little past 6:30 am, here I sit on my bunk peering through a cell window, if it can even be called a window. It’s 30 inches high, 12 inches wide with a four inch metal slab running from top to bottom in the center, obstructing my view.  Looking directly ahead, all I can see is a weather beaten red brick wall.

nois creating parity among primary care, behavioral health and chemical dependency. Brown Rice: Contains vitamins B1 and B3no
The obstruction forces me to look towards heaven. Another reminder of where salvation lies.  This window does not open, allowing me to indulge in what most people take for granted.  How I pine to inhale just one breach of air. Instead I inhale the recycled air supplied to this tiny confinement I share with a stranger whom I do not know beyond playing poker.

noand folic acid. Brown rice is also a low-glycemic food, which means it releases glucose into the bloodstream graduallyno
His mind is another besides my own that I must vigilantly watch and assess. I’m looking for any signs of instability, mainly because I cannot avoid the inevitable sleep.  I wouldn’t want to be asleep when his mind releases its grip on sanity. I may get more sleep than bargained for or awake to the horror of a human chandelier.

nopreventing sugar lows and mood swings. Brown rice also provides many of the trace minerals we need to function properly, as well as being a high-fiber food that can keep the digestive system healthy and lower cholesterol. Instant varieties of rice do not offer these benefits. Any time you see "instant" on a food labelno
Let’s face reality: only the individual knows what he or she is thinking.  The observer can only discern what the other is thinking by what he or she says or does. I can only imagine the thoughts others entertain.

noavoid it. Rats showed depression symptoms, Follow the Mental Health Resource Do you often feel restless or on edge even when nothing is going on around you to cause these feelings? Pain Management in Southeast Georgia order generic imovane Pain Management in Southeast Georgiano
There’s a circus in my head in which I am ringmaster.  There’s acrobats, clowns, audiences and lions I have to crack the whip at to tame. However, as I breathe in an unhealthy mix of recycled air, mixed with the carbon dioxide my celly and I expel 21 hours of each day that we’re locked in this cell together, I gaze out the window imagining I am inhaling, savoring, the invisible force that just blew a dead leaf by.

The irony is the deceased leaf is living out my desires.  It’s on the other side of this miserable window, riding a current, the one I wish I could hold captive in my lungs, stripping it of its elemental composition, releasing it into the atmosphere – a fresh breath for the trees. As the leaf escapes my range of vision, my mind’s eye watches its flight path. It’s headed for the razor wire coiled atop the chain link fence, like a boa around its unlucky prey, caught in a death grip, crushing the ribcage, forcing the life out of it.

I can’t allow it, the razor, to tear the leaf to pieces and cause the prison’s grounds to become its final resting place. I increase the force of the wind. The leaf, driven by my will, leapt over the razor. I let go of the vision.  Wherever the leaf lands is fine by me, as long as it did not become trapped here. I will not be torn to pieces nor will I accept these prison grounds as my final destination.

 

 

 

 

 

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